I admit. I was disappointed in myself. I had this goal. I set the goal because I could see it on the horizon – the brass ring I could ALMOST reach as my carousel horse made it’s rounds. 100 pounds overhead by my 60th birthday. I thought I had my eye glued to the prize. And then my shoulder started hurting. And my knee was giving me problems. Then my back tweaked. I began wondering if this was what being 60+ was going to be like for me because that was NOT the plan I had for the “back 40” … so to speak.
In typical fashion, I kinda wallowed in self pity. 60 was not giving me any hot-flash relief, I haven’t lost a single pound since I turned 55, and now I was getting weaker and injuring myself. My original “why” was gone since mom passed away. So…why AM I getting up at 4:30 every morning and doing this? What is my new “why”? I just couldn’t figure it out and all of a sudden, I saw things I had been working on for so long begin to decline. Had my obsession with CrossFit run its course? Was I quitting like I’ve done with pretty much everything else in my life?
I spend a lot of time listening to CrossFit-adjacent podcasts and following my favorite elite athletes on Instagram. I draw a lot of inspiration from them and have learned a lot about myself through their stories, photos, and interviews. I’ve learned to follow some of the coaches (both athletic and nutrition) that have influenced them. I’ve tried to dig into my feelings about my relationship with food, my jacked up body image, and the overall feeling I have about turning 60.
Oddly, pushing myself to FIGURE OUT all this stuff did not make me feel better. Quelle surprise.
I think after carrying the weight of all that and all my other emotions on my own shoulders for … far too long, my husband finally kinda shook me and said (not for the first time, I will admit), “Let me help…” and this time, I just had to. Believe it or not, that happened within the past 2 weeks. It’s been a rocky couple of weeks but after all the rocks settled….this week some stuff changed. And mind you, these are just the physical changes. There have been mental and emotional changes too.
Monday I back-squatted 105 pounds. That’s a best. Today, I deadlifted 145 pounds. That’s a best. And I’m most proud of the fact that I split-jerked 80 pounds. It means I put 80 pounds overhead.
I haven’t had 3 personal records/personal bests in a week since I started CrossFit. Back then, every time I picked up a barbell, it was a personal best. And then when I got my own barbell and a few bumper plates, I also pushed up a bunch of PRs. I’ve been a bit stale, lifting-wise lately. I managed a few decent benchmark workouts – Helen, and a couple of long rows. I did a complete half-Murph this year. So these are all good things…however, I was living in my “missed goal” instead of looking at how I can continue to make gains.
I want to say to everyone out there that is at a certain age…if you have goals…if you have something you want to achieve or accomplish…you may, at times, feel like you’ve failed to reach the goal or achieve the achievement or accomplish the accomplishment. Instead of beating yourself up about it and never getting back on the horse, wallow for your moment. Then GET.BACK.OUT.THERE. Go do the thing. Whatever the thing is. Doesn’t have to be lifting weights. Doesn’t have to be writing the great American novel. Give yourself a bit of grace and then go at it again.
Life is short, in the big picture. Do all the things you can while you have the time.
Mary's Blog 