Not a professional, but I play one on TV

Nah, I don’t.

I’d like to think of myself as an evangelist tho. Of course, for Christ, but also for health. I’m speaking from personal experience so I want to start out by saying “Do as I say, not as I do…” It’s worth pointing out that this story is my story. Your results may vary. Do I sound like I’m a TV advertisement? Maybe.

I was born in the 60s and grew up in the 70s & 80s. That may not seem important but it is. Google models in 1960, 1965, 1970, 1975, 1980, and 1985. Look at the perception of attractive was back then. Rail skinny. And for a girl growing up in an Italian-American family that liked to eat….I learned to have a horrible relationship with food. Also, for the heck of it, add in that the 70s and 80s were the era of “food additives” and restrictive diets. Salt would give you high blood pressure. Animal fat would give you heart disease. Butter is bad for you so eat margarine made of hydrolyzed oils. Sugar…bad. Eat sugar substitutes made from chemicals. Food coloring and fake flavorings abound. Oh, and don’t eat egg yolks. They will give you high cholesterol. Heart disease like bacon fat…etc. A good diet would be 1200 calories a day. No guidance on what makes up those 1200 calories, just 1200 calories. And it was sold in every teen girls’ favorite magazines.

My relationship with food has always been awful. But really, that’s not what I’m talking about aside from the 70s and 80s were likely the cause of that relationship!

Really, I want to talk about the past few years. In the past few years, we’ve seen the rise of quick fix weight loss “tools” like Ozempic. Just like those drugs big pharma has created to “cure” Crohn’s disease, psoriasis, IBS, TED, and gazillions of other diseases that (likely) they created, Ozempic is the “cure” for obesity. Well, sorta. If you don’t mind the side effects of feeling like dog poop all the time, or getting other infections that “could be life threatening,” I guess then go for it. But what about this.

Exercise. Really. Get up. Get out. Take a walk. Lift weights. Ride a bike. Go for a swim. Go for a run. Get on the rowing machine. Anything. Why not do that? Is it not the cheaper alternative to paying for a drug that might just make other parts of your body fall off? Just move. Movement is medicine. Cheaper and better medicine than something lab-created.

Post-covid, there are a myriad of online options that can guide you into an exercise journey. For free. At your fingertips. Crazy, huh? There’s an entire garage-gym revolution…out here on the interwebz. So, because there’s such a low barrier to entry, why are we hesitant to choose exercise over meds? It’s the instant gratification thing.

Don’t deny it. If you could take a pill that PROMISED you would never have to exercise again and you would maintain a sylph-like physique, you would be all in. Faster than you could pop that pill in your mouth and say, “What are the side-effects?” You would. Don’t lie.

For a long time, I thought I would be “all in” too – for something like that. But when I listen to the advertisements for Farxiga, Tremfya, Humira, Tepezza, and the list goes on….the side effects seem to have nothing to do with the area affected by the disease. Tepezza (thyroid eye disease) affects urine and kidneys or something like that. Farxiga (diabetes and kidney issues) can cause an infection of the perineum. What in the world?

So would I trust my health and well being to a pill? Nope. I don’t mind taking vitamins and minerals but honestly, other pills….no thank you!

We live in a country that desires “quick fixes” for everything. And exercise is not a quick fix. But exercise is a permanent, healthy fix.

What are your reasons why you aren’t exercising? Let me tell you mine (from before I was regularly working out).

1. I don’t have the time. I’m so busy. I work 45-50 hours a week. I am taking care of another human being. I just don’t have time.
2. It’s hard. I like easy.
3. I haven’t found a “program” that I want to stick with.
4. I don’t have anyone to work out with.
5. I don’t see progress so I quit.

Do any of those sound familiar? Let’s break them down into reasons why you CAN exercise.

1. Make the time. No one is going to do that for you. Are you going to wait until you have diabetes, heart disease, COPD, kidney or liver issues? That might be when it’s too late. Make the time now. If you don’t take care of you…nobody else will.
2. Yes. It’s hard. Everyone likes easy. It’s easy if you just start…and do it every day for a few weeks. Then it’s not only easy, it’s a habit.
3. See above where I mention the PLETHORA of free or cheap programs to follow. Google and Instagram are your friends there. And by Google, I also mean Bing or DuckDuckGo or any search engine. Search for Online Exercise Programs. I just did it and even got Forbes best online workout programs!
4. Join an online community focused on working out. If you don’t feel comfortable with an online community, see if the local YMCA has group fitness classes. Stop by Planet Fitness…they may still cost under $25/month. If you would prefer to do the “at home online” thing, search Instagram for workout or fitness and you’ll find people who share your goals.
5. Give yourself time. Exercise serves several purposes but let’s say TWO purposes for this blog:
   • External – you will begin to look better with (and without) clothes on. Your clothes may even fit better.
   • Internal – any chronic disease markers may just begin to disappear or reduce. Your A1C may drop. Your LDL may go down. Your kidneys may begin to function better. Your joints may not ache as much.

So, to wrap up, here are the ways I “answered” my own objections:

1. I decided to get up early every morning and work out while it was dark and quiet in the house. I wanted to get ahead of the disease issues I saw looming in the distance.
2. I just ignore this particular one. Yeah. It’s hard. #dohardthings
3. I found WODprep. At the time they were cheap and they offered an online community too. They still offer a community and the programming is great. It is a CrossFit style workout program. Don’t want that? Search the interwebz for an option that suits you.
4. I love my online community. Does it replace an “in person” community? Maybe not but I do have friends that help me and bolster me. I also love posting about my journey on Instagram. I’ll be your friend on Instagram @maryaquinocooper is my handle. Hit me up.
5. I’ve seen my cholesterol numbers improve. I also know that my body is “changing” because while my jeans are tighter, they’re tighter around the thighs, where my quads are getting stronger/bigger. I can lift things I couldn’t lift 2-3 years ago. I see improvements in my strength and my “engine” (cardio). It’s slow going. I’m starting my 5th year doing CrossFit. Just starting to improve exponentially now. But better now than….never.

Do you know Christ?

I saw this on social media today:

“I’d rather hate my way to hell than love my way to heaven”

Now, I’m sure it’s just someone reacting to something Donald Trump said or some whacko “religious” person put on TikTok but it made me pause for a moment. Really? Hate your way to hell instead of loving your way to heaven? Maybe you just misunderstand what Christ asks of us.

Christ *asks* us to love. Love everyone. Love the people who make you mad. Love the people who say things you don’t agree with. Love people who live a lifestyle you don’t agree with. Christ asks us to be kind. Be like him. He did not hang out with the religious leaders who tried to make the Jewish society into a caste system, forcing those who were not “clean” to worship elsewhere. Christ came and sat with the sinners, the sick, the poor, the weak in spirit. Christ came to this earth to serve others. Christ came to this earth to make us kinder, gentler people.

Yeah, you look at all the commandments and the Biblical scholars giving rules to live by…but Christ said this is the first and the greatest commandment: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love each other as you love yourself. That’s it. Christ will take care of the rest.

So here’s the rub. People (humans) are going to “judge” regardless. And, some people are going to make asses of themselves as they do it. They are going to tell you that the Word of God as stated in the Bible is the be all and end all. Honestly, I believe that. But what I don’t believe is that we were put here on earth to judge each other. I’ve read the Bible. A bunch of times. Some of the stuff is hard to read because it’s harsh. And it explains what’s going to happen in the end. It says we’ll be judged.

What the Bible says is that GOD is the Judge. Not Joe down the street, or Tanya who always tells you the gossip at the water cooler, or Amy who can’t seem to say anything nice, or Rob who doesn’t live a lifestyle you agree with. GOD is the judge. God knows all. He sees all. And he will judge based on (to steal a Martin Luther King quote) content of character. He will judge based on your devotion to him and his son, our Savior Jesus Christ. He will judge based on seeing your heart and what your heart holds. He will judge in a way that WE CAN’T UNDERSTAND because he is above our understanding. And if you don’t believe this, think about this truth.

God so loved the world that he gave his only Son – sacrificed his beloved Son – so that our sins would be washed clean in the blood of the Lamb. (paraphrase of John 3:16). What that means is, when we come to stand in front of God for judgement at the end of days, we are sinless in God’s eyes because Jesus paid that price. Those are easy words to type but exactly who are you willing to die for? Really. Who would you give up your life for? Think about that for a while. If you’ve got someone in your head that you’d actually die for, add this: who would you be CRUCIFIED for? Lots of ways to die are quick. Crucifixion is NOT. And it’s painful. And agonizing. Jesus did that for US. You may not know him but he knew you and he said, “Yup, I’ll go to the cross for you, Julie. I’ll give up my life in one of the most excruciating methods for you, Frank.”

You may think I rambled on for no reason here but if one person reads this and says, “Yeah, not me. I don’t want to hate my way to eternal damnation and fire and pain and sorrow and grief and agony…” then this was worth it. I’m not a Bible-thumping conservative…but I know that my Lord and Savior wants us ALL to live like Him. In love. In servitude. Spreading kindness. Giving.

In this year of what will probably be immensely divisive and many will sever friendships because of political loyalties, I pray that some of us transcend that. I pray that whether you love or hate a political party, you will stop and think about what you say and how you say it. I pray that you will pause and be Christ-like. Sit with the sinners. Because when you throw around the words heaven and hell, you are talking about Jesus Christ and Satan. The terms are synonymous, make no mistake about that – Jesus is Heaven and Satan is hell. I pray you choose Jesus.

Grief revisited

Some of the activities around the holidays began stirring up the tendrils of grief that are still suction-cupped to my heart.

Music, decorations, photos…oh hell, the gazillion cameras dad had. Videos of mom playing Christmas carols. Every one holds a piece of my heart that. Each has a smile and a tear attached.

Such times make the echoes of people, who think they are helping, saying “it’s been 10 years,” or “they’re in a better place,” sting more. And also make me wonder if I am crazy or abnormal for continuing this elongated grief process.

I am not. Please…if you are living in a grief cycle…know that your grief is yours alone. It’s neither too long nor too short. It may come and go in waves. In fact, it probably will. The waves may be ripples or tsunamis. The cycle is yours and it occurs in YOUR timeline.

DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW LONG GRIEF “TAKES.”

A little video that says the same and also has a connect to caregiving:

Mom Music Moments

Mom grew up wanting to be a pianist. She dreamed of Juilliard. Her family just couldn’t afford it, and at the time (and maybe still, I don’t know), the entrance standards were very high.

I could run through her entire history but instead let’s boil it all down to dementia and music. My dad bought her this beautiful Steinway in 1965 and every house they bought after that needed to have “room for the piano.” It was the tool of her trade. She became known for her ability to accompany pretty much vocalists, choruses, and instrumentalists.

Fast forward again…we (Jim & I) are caring for mom. We encouraged her to play as often as possible. She did, for the first four years and then the broken pelvis happened. That paused her daily playing for 5 weeks…we brought her a piano music book so she could play at the rehab center but she couldn’t play every day.

When she got home, we tried to recommend she playbat least 3 times a week. If she said she didn’t feel like playing, we wouldn’t push.

What was most interesting was that she would always start out by playing this “vampy” piece that to this day I don’t know the name of, and then typically transition into White Christmas – including the introduction (most people don’t know that part!!) Both of these pieces she would play from memory. No music at all.

Let me say that again: FROM MEMORY. No music. At all. The woman with Dementia. Played from memory.

Not ALL of Winter Wonderland

So, why am I writing this? Amy Grant tells a story of her parents having dementia and how her sisters sang hymns with them…and they could join right in. Mom was the same.

I can’t tell you how many times new doctors would suggest that mom “take up a musical instrument” to keep her mind sharp 🤔 😉 🤣. Music is more than just noise. It is therapy…real therapy for many ills, not the least of which is sadness.

Sharing the love. As we move through this season, I am hoping to grab more of mom’s playing and uploading to that same playlist from above. ⬆️ There’s nothing like growing up in a musical family. I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but as I got older, I understood. I mean, how many of you sang Christmas carols in 4 part harmony every Christmas? With full piano accompaniment? 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ I did.

At this time of year….

Yes, I know politics is polarizing. Yes, I’m sure you know people who don’t think the same as you do.

One thing that holds true for me is, if you don’t believe the same as I do and we started out as friends…we can still be friends. You don’t have to unfriend me on social media.

Do I know what Donald Trump said today? No. Do I know what Joe Biden has called conservatives? Well, actually, I do but I don’t CARE.

Whether you lean left or right, I don’t care. I don’t want to know which direction you lean and I’m not going tell you which way I lean.

I’ve made exactly ZERO friends based on my political leanings and therefore I despise losing friends for those reasons. Let’s talk about something else, okay?

Oh, and here’s a tip. There are probably a maximum of 2 weeks a year where we should truly focus on kindness and forgiveness. At least one of those weeks is THIS week … around Christmas … consider that….

Two Random Thoughts

1. Do we have to reward plain ole thinking with accolades? What do I mean by this? Now-a-days, I keep seeing platitudes rewarded with accolades. My personal pet peeve is the “clear is kind,” “we only fail when we stop trying,” or “it’s darkest before the dawn” vague but softly spoken (and frequently spoken) obviousity (I made that word up) … c’mon people. Dig deeper. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am seeing these “motivational quotes” more like Deep Thoughts With Jack Handy. You know, with eagles soaring around Half Dome and overdubbed with bad muzak and a whispery narrator…very 1970s. If you’re laughing at them, cool. If you’re preaching them as if they were delivered from heaven by angels to a living deity…maybe you need to put your trust in a deity. Maybe also, you’re using them as “gospel” because you aren’t familiar with the truly motivating.

2. If you want to appear intelligent, learn the rules of grammar. When you use incorrect tenses, poorly constructed sentences, and misplaced punctuation, you look ignorant. I don’t mean to play the grammar police…actually, I do. You claim you’ve got a college degree. You speak in front of groups of hundreds or maybe thousands of people at events. You call yourself a master of your craft but then you go to write a simple, yet professional email sent to a large group of peers and say, “Join Daniel and I for a discussion…” Join I? Would you say that? Join I for a discussion. No. You would say, “Join ME for a discussion. Therefore, your email should say, “Join Daniel and me for a discussion of widgets.”

Is the Recipe World Different?

I’ve rarely shared a recipe that was straight out copied from another person without citing the other person. There are a few recipes that I don’t know the origin (my salad cake, for example) but if I did know the origin I would cite it.

I’m planning to make Pumpkin Yeast Bread today or tomorrow. I’ve made it once before and it was pretty good. I don’t remember where I got the recipe so I Googled it and found a few. When I filtered out the weird ones with almond milk and sprouted grains, I discovered that at least three of the recipes were straight out copies of King Arthur Flour’s recipe.

I suppose King Arthur could have copied from someone else…but because no one cited their source, I don’t know!

I’m going to change the recipe a bit because while I like ginger, I know Jim doesn’t and so I will adjust that to be nutmeg or allspice. The cardamom gives it a nice warmth without being overpowering.

More later…

All the recipes basically say mix everything

Grief and the Modern Woman

You may think that I’m gonna drone on and on about losing my dad or my mom. But honestly, this time I’m not.

Don’t get me wrong. This week has been kinda … upsetting … because it’s the days leading up to losing mom BUT…I really discovered something this week. No, let me correct that. I was clearly reminded of two things.

1. We have such an amazing God. If you don’t believe, just hang with me here. Throughout the Bible, there are so many passages that remind us to pray. Give your concerns to God. Don’t fear, don’t worry, don’t give up. Just bring your petitions to God. He will hear and he will comfort you. He loves you and does not want you to hurt. It’s gonna happen because we live in a broken world but he wants to offer his love and his comfort.
2. I have incredible friends. I mean, I have some incredible friends. #2 is probably directly connected to #1, because I do believe in my heart of hearts that all things given in love come from a loving God. Let’s just say to all of you who read this – you are amazing. Whether you interacted with me this week or not…….you are incredible and I want you to take that to heart. Go through your day today knowing that you are amazing and incredible. Because Mary says so…and because God gave you to me as a friend.

I’m not trying to be obtuse, really. I just wanted to surface the fact that I prayed hard for some things this past week. And God heard me. He heard my prayer and he responded. And he responded. And while he was responding, he blessed me AGAIN by reminding me how spectacular my friends are. All the things.

Hold this close to your heart – Philippians 4:6-7

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So what does this all have to do with grief? My life, for the past 11 years has been all about grieving a handful of losses…some physical, some emotional, some familial. I’m learning all about the stages. My grief journey seems to be VERY long (couldn’t be that I suppress some of my feelings so that I can just get through the day, could it?) and therefore even rejoicing in my day to day stuff is part of that journey.

Besides. This is my blog. I’ll title my stuff whatever I want HA!

Comfort

It’s weird. I was moved to open my Bible and pray a verse or chapter that was there on the page I opened to. I usually read the Bible on my phone, but I felt the need to have the paper pages under my fingers, and so there we were.

This weekend isn’t going quite as I planned. Not that I really planned anything, but let’s just say it is a little off the rails. And I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. A little voice in my head said, “Pray, Mary. Give it to God.” So I did.

I opened my Bible to Isaiah 40. Not on purpose, but by chance. Also happens to be one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. For a few of reasons.

1. Comfort. The first word is Comfort. Comfort. Isn’t that what every “off the rails” situation needs?

2. Isaiah 40 is also featured in Handel’s Messiah. Tenor recitative and aria. I equate it with my dad. Always. I’m pretty sure the first time I heard the chapter was from my dad’s mouth. I didn’t know what any of this stuff meant. It was just Daddy singing words. Isaiah 40 = dad.

3. Foretelling the coming of Christ. John the Baptist was the voice in the wilderness, exclaiming that a messiah is coming…is here. Isaiah lived 740 years before the birth of Christ! A lot of what Isaiah prophesied matches the stories in the Gospels. The book of the prophet Isaiah is one of my favorites because it tells the story before the story occurred. And, some of the poetry is incredible. No wonder Handel chose so much of it for Messiah.

I seek, from time to time, comfort in literature…whether contemporary trash or ancient prophecy. Today I felt drawn to The Bible and I think it’s no coincidence that Isaiah 40 was where the book fell open. I needed my dad and my heavenly father.

Continuing To Make Gains

I admit. I was disappointed in myself. I had this goal. I set the goal because I could see it on the horizon – the brass ring I could ALMOST reach as my carousel horse made it’s rounds. 100 pounds overhead by my 60th birthday. I thought I had my eye glued to the prize. And then my shoulder started hurting. And my knee was giving me problems. Then my back tweaked. I began wondering if this was what being 60+ was going to be like for me because that was NOT the plan I had for the “back 40” … so to speak.

In typical fashion, I kinda wallowed in self pity. 60 was not giving me any hot-flash relief, I haven’t lost a single pound since I turned 55, and now I was getting weaker and injuring myself. My original “why” was gone since mom passed away. So…why AM I getting up at 4:30 every morning and doing this? What is my new “why”? I just couldn’t figure it out and all of a sudden, I saw things I had been working on for so long begin to decline. Had my obsession with CrossFit run its course? Was I quitting like I’ve done with pretty much everything else in my life?

I spend a lot of time listening to CrossFit-adjacent podcasts and following my favorite elite athletes on Instagram. I draw a lot of inspiration from them and have learned a lot about myself through their stories, photos, and interviews. I’ve learned to follow some of the coaches (both athletic and nutrition) that have influenced them. I’ve tried to dig into my feelings about my relationship with food, my jacked up body image, and the overall feeling I have about turning 60.

Oddly, pushing myself to FIGURE OUT all this stuff did not make me feel better. Quelle surprise.

I think after carrying the weight of all that and all my other emotions on my own shoulders for … far too long, my husband finally kinda shook me and said (not for the first time, I will admit), “Let me help…” and this time, I just had to. Believe it or not, that happened within the past 2 weeks. It’s been a rocky couple of weeks but after all the rocks settled….this week some stuff changed. And mind you, these are just the physical changes. There have been mental and emotional changes too.

Monday I back-squatted 105 pounds. That’s a best. Today, I deadlifted 145 pounds. That’s a best. And I’m most proud of the fact that I split-jerked 80 pounds. It means I put 80 pounds overhead.

Admittedly the shot is mainly of my foot position for my coach, but there’s a 15, a 5, and a 2.5 pound plate on each end of a 35 pound barbell. 80 pounds

I haven’t had 3 personal records/personal bests in a week since I started CrossFit. Back then, every time I picked up a barbell, it was a personal best. And then when I got my own barbell and a few bumper plates, I also pushed up a bunch of PRs. I’ve been a bit stale, lifting-wise lately. I managed a few decent benchmark workouts – Helen, and a couple of long rows. I did a complete half-Murph this year. So these are all good things…however, I was living in my “missed goal” instead of looking at how I can continue to make gains.

I want to say to everyone out there that is at a certain age…if you have goals…if you have something you want to achieve or accomplish…you may, at times, feel like you’ve failed to reach the goal or achieve the achievement or accomplish the accomplishment. Instead of beating yourself up about it and never getting back on the horse, wallow for your moment. Then GET.BACK.OUT.THERE. Go do the thing. Whatever the thing is. Doesn’t have to be lifting weights. Doesn’t have to be writing the great American novel. Give yourself a bit of grace and then go at it again.

Life is short, in the big picture. Do all the things you can while you have the time.